Writing for Submission: Canadian Journal of Counselling and ...

Writing for Submission: Canadian Journal of Counselling and ...

High-Conflict PostSeparation Parenting: Deescalating Volatile Patterns and Building New Directions London High Conflict Forum September 20-21, 2018 Jeff Chang, PhD, R.Psych. Athabasca University & Calgary Family Therapy Centre Drjeffchang.webs.com Acknowledgements Athabasca

University Calgary Family Therapy Centre The families who generously allowed me to share their experience Background Professor at Athabasca University

Master of Counselling Program 23 years of excitement working with high-conflict divorce and parenting in private practice Bilateral parenting evaluations Mediation Parenting coordination Litigation support for family lawyers Background Clinical

supervisor and therapist at Calgary Family Therapy Centre Seeing families experiencing high conflict separations and post-separation parenting PI for controlled multi-site study of New Ways for Families (funded by Palix Foundation) Background

Information The Legal Context A common law legal system in the British Commonwealth and the USA Parties to a legal action are automatically defined as adversaries Default position: Kramer vs.

Kramer Important feature of the highconflict parenting families Your Experiences . with high-conflict postdivorce parents/families? High Conflict Divorce About one-third of former spouses have significant difficulty establishing a healthy relationship with each other after divorce

75% of divorces with children have no court appearances that are not by agreement Another 10 to 15% require one contested application between 5 to 15% have what can be described as high conflict relationships High Conflict Divorce Emotional reactivity Immediate blamefulness and attribution of intentionality for

parenting slip-ups Exaggeration of parenting differences Court applications to restrict the parenting time of the other parent, and to manage issues that most former couples can manage on a month-to-month or season-by-season basis High Conflict Divorce Four levels of problems/one level of intensity:

Conduct that would require a report to child protection Inadequate parenting that does not require a report to child protection Big disagreements about generally adequate parenting Problems that arise simply because parents cannot communicate productively High Conflict Divorce

Children whose parents divorce at 23 x as likely to be referred to mental health treatment; children in high conflict divorces are more than 2x again likely to seek treatment Symptoms: You dont need a list everything you can think of Most problematic and intractible: child refusing contact with a parent Parental alienation vs. realistic estrangement. Football Shoes and Camping Gear:

Dad Writes Have not seen what you are looking for. I believe Jason's [school] camping trip has been known for quite some time and it is unfortunate you have not organized his equipment before now, a lot on your plate with the girls horse show and overnight/out of town guests you were entertaining.

Football Shoes and Camping Gear: Dad Writes Unfortunately also for Jason is that Jason has no shoes for the first half hour of his 1.5 hour football clinic at 5pm today and that he had to participate in his socks. Please advise if you would like me to have standby items that you can't locate. Thank you. John

Football Shoes and Camping Gear: Mom Responds Yes we all had a fantastic weekend and wonderful memorable times with our out of town guests. BTW Kyle had Jason's shoes and he forgot practice started at five and brought them late. But I will be sure to show him this email so I can pass your criticism along to him.

Football Shoes and Camping Gear: Mom Responds As for standby items John. I think it is long long overdue for you to get a job and contribute to supporting your children. And yes fill your home with clothes and shoes and toys and bikes and helmets and scooters and sport equipment and pay for some of

their education and activities. That would be amazing!! It's funny but Chris says in the U.S. people who The Professionals Invitations to pathologize Hard work and heart-breaking for us Scares many practitioners off Area of practice drawing the most

ethical complaints Practitioners feel threatened by high conflict-parents, and fire children as clients to minimize risk. Invitation to Pathologize Video removed He Said

Video removed The Professionals And the toll it takes on us. High Conflict Divorce Hard work and heart-breaking for us

Scares us many practitioners off Area of practice drawing the plurality of ethical complaints (6 out of 20 reported disciplinary findings of the Saskatchewan College of Psychologists 20052018) Some therapists risk management strategy of firing Operating Principles Operating Principles

The parental subsystem is where the action is. The legal system can be a help or a hindrance, but is illequipped to provide solutions in high conflict situations. While individual pathology on the part of one parent may be an

important contributor to problem, thinking about interpersonal patterns (the Operating Principles Children are resilient. Safety first. Keep the big picture in mind and take a long view. Acknowledge problems, while focusing on possibilities, strengths, and resources.

The parental subsystem is where the action is. Children are innocent victims The vast majority of the time, children (even if they seem to have very clear ideas) are standing on the shoulders of one parent. The adversarial legal system takes

on a life of its own when the parental subsystem does not do its job. The legal system can be a help or a hindrance, but is ill-equipped to provide solutions in high conflict situations. family justice issues are primarily social and relationship problems that

contain a legal element (Reforming the Family Justice System, Alberta) The legal system Parent education and alternate dispute resolution approaches like mediation and parenting coordination help, but are not

capable of dealing with complex high conflict situations Therapists must understand the family legal system get over their court-phobia While individual pathology on the part of one parent may be an important contributor to problem, thinking about interpersonal patterns (the ipScope) is more useful. The presenting problem is likely

to be a child or adolescent emotional or behavioral problem not an adult problem. Developing a connection with a parent may enable some change, and using the childs problem as an entry point is helpful Individual pathology Everyone likes to asked to

be part of the solution; no one likes to blamed for the problem. We are unable to exert much influence on individual parents, anyway. Exercise: The ipScope HIPs and PIPs Dr. Karl Tomm and colleagues at

Calgary developed the ipScope: IP=interpersonal patterns PIPs= pathologizing interpersonal patterns HIPs= healing interpersonal patterns HIPs and PIPs In pairs, the speaker describes two typical recurrent interactions between you and a loved one one

positive and one negative The listening takes notes about the interactions. Discuss the situation with the goal of expressing the interaction in at least one set of coupled behaviors HIPs and PIPs Express it the gerund (--ing) form of

the verb These vicious cycles (PIPs) can amplify pre-existing problems, while virtuous cycles (WIPs and HIPs) promote wellness. Individual pathology o It is possible to be engaged in

a PIP when you are not in the same room, in the same house, or in the same city o An individual problem is exacerbated by a PIP and can be deescalated by a HIP o Unfortunately, these family systems are predisposed PIPs Children are resilient We

cannot rescue them from the unpleasantness of their situation We can offer them a neutral environment, support, and understanding We can work on moderating their parents behavior and improving their relationship with parents. We can help children develop the skills they need to manage. Safety first

OBVIOUSLY . but understand the effects of interpersonal interactional patterns on behaviors that threaten safety Therapists require sophisticated knowledge of intimate partner violence not all IPV is created equal Sandra Stith, MFT Program at Kansas State

Keep the big picture in mind and take a long view A systemic approach helps us see the big picture in a situation where, in all likelihood, no one else does If your setting allows it, be prepared for a long-term, if intermittent, relationship

Acknowledge problems, while focusing on possibilities, strengths, and resources. Empathize carefully and purposefully when parents are discussing the problems of the other parent Dont try to convince, teach, or lecture

Acknowledgement possibilities Listen carefully for openings when someone is describing changes or differences Start by asking about descriptions and speculation, and coping. Be careful about asking for commitments for

change SFBT: Visiting relationship, complainant relationship, So What to Do? Intervention Intervention

Managing the referral Developing a working alliance with each parent Working the parental subsystem Developing shared or parallel treatment goals Intervention and reevaluation

cycles Termination and Managing the referral The initial call: In addition to everything else you do Ask about the parenting schedule Be aware that some parents generously represent a parenting order in their favor obtain the order in the first session Ask about whether the other

parent is on board with treatment Managing the referral Exercise due caution about IPV, substance misuse, persistent

mental illness, etc. Listen carefully for hidden agenda letter for court We are permitted to see children with one parents consent its legal but is it wise? Explain why it is useful to include both parents: Phone call demonstration Developing a working alliance with each parent

Obtain the background from the parents perspective Empathize carefully. Affirming one parents perspective might lead him/her to think you agree: So your perception is You experience him as abusive Youve felt she has not attended to the needs of the kids when goes out with friends

She Lies Video removed Developing a working alliance with each parent Listen carefully for their beliefs about the cause of the problems Ask coping questions:

How do you maintain an even keel? When you feel provoked how do you keep your cool? With everything thats going on, how do you manage to keep going? Whats Your Theory? Video removed

Coping Video removed Developing a working alliance with each parent If you hear something, ask for a description (not what the parent can do to make it better) Oh, what did he do?

That must have been a surprise. How did you respond? Then what happened? What do you suppose the kids noticed? Calm, Cool, and Collected Video removed Supporting my Daughter

Video removed The Benefit of the Doubt 1 Video removed The Benefit of the Doubt 2 E-mail from the next week: I wanted to follow up with you on the question you asked me during our videotaped session. I said that Ken has the boys' best interests in mind. You

asked if that were true and then later to observe and reflect if that were just wishful thinking on my part. You were right -- I was being PollyAnna. Thank you for your brilliant question to bring clarity to my situation. Developing a working alliance with each parent Listen, do not encourage, and try to

move on during: Pathologizing the other parent Conversations about litigation: Ask your lawyer about that. Gently and firmly reiterate that you will not take one parents side in Court Ill tell them what you both have been working on, but Im not permitted to say

anything about parenting time. Full Custody? Video removed Developing a working alliance with each parent Make suggestions tentatively and only when you think there is a customer relationship This might sound crazy, but

Another client tried this, but that might not fit for your situation Base suggestions on: What the children say with an emphasis on they say is helpful. What the parent him/herself says works Working with the parental subsystem Get

them together when they think that they can do not do prematurely Agenda and ground rules: Focused on present and future, not past: I will be very focused on managing the session. Describe some PIPs and discuss antidotes Feedback on what they do well -- compliments Outcome: presenting a joint message to the child(ren)

Preparation Video removed Working with the parental subsystem Be task-oriented more than therapeutic Focus most of the conversation toward the therapist and use circular questions

carefully Dont let them speak to each other unless you are darn sure that can do so Work to give equal air-time As before, acknowledge with accurate empathy without endorsing truth. Manage the session carefully this requires advanced skills A Tense Beginning Video removed

Developing shared or parallel treatment goals Suggest ideas for projects What you would work on? Who would be involved and in what capacity? How would others recognize progress? Keep in mind, these are only suggestions! Ideas have to fit into peoples

lives A Joint Message Video removed Intervention and Reevaluation Cycles Setting and maintaining the relational foundation Listening for clients world view,

strengths, and preferences Negotiating a solvable problem or an achievable project Opening meaningful experiences of difference Within session Between sessions Circulating difference these experiences of

Setting and maintaining the relational foundation Play with children before you work with them Be a therapeutic uncle or aunt, or Positioning as a Professional

Think of one professional person (education, health, or mental health) with whom you interacted as a child in your growing-up years. Perhaps you were the patient/client, or perhaps a family member was. What did you appreciate and find supportive? What did you not? How, and how well, did the professional tailor his/her approach to where the child was at.

I have no idea. Video removed Setting and maintaining the relational foundation The relationship must support everything Who is concerned or involved with the problem? Include others in a non-blameful way

Spend lots of time connecting with everyone, especially if the family is polarized Therapeutic relationship and problem definition/goal are interrelated how you talk about it matters An expert at Video removed Listening for clients world

view, strengths, and preferences Getting to know the child apart from the problem What are the parents' beliefs about this problem? and about parenting? What is the child good at? How did he/she get that way? wonderfulness conversations

Listening for clients world view, strengths, and preferences Sometimes you can find something to utilize The childs experience will give you ideas about how the child acquires skills, useful character traits, good habits, etc.

or sometimes not Do They Give You Power? Video removed Negotiating a solvable problem or an achievable project Elicit a problem description that everyone can buy into at least sort

of Minimize blame and create space for respectful disagreement beware of clashing problem definitions/ beliefs child vs. parent parent vs. school therapist vs. parent Mad or bad Video removed

Negotiating a solvable problem or an achievable project Despite your best engagement strategies, things can turn negative in a hurry. Miracle Question: Hypothetical solutions that bypass the need for mutual blame Externalize the problem Naming the goal or project in a way that fits for everyone

Shared sense of purpose the most crucial aspect of the working alliance with families Opening meaningful experiences of difference within session Inter-Viewing Whats different? Behavioral sequence: Emotion Cognition Behavior

Sensation Interpersonal Past real-life exceptions may be more accessible than hypothetical ones: Can you remember? When is it Different? Video removed Opening meaningful experiences of difference

the highlight package using drawings to elicit exceptions scaling drawings miracle drawings exception/new story drawings rehearsal in sessions A Miracle

A Good Time With Dad Find, elicit, or create meaningful experiences of difference Contradiction/contrasts Identity and preferences What kind of person do you want to be?

Find, elicit, or create meaningful experiences of difference Using numerical or visual means to track progress Scaling for: Progress Confidence Motivation What is different between a 3 and a 4? Detailed description of pattern,

sequences, and modalities A Hidden Exception Video removed Find, elicit, or create meaningful experiences of difference Connecting themes Eliciting a past instance: An actual Macro-description Skimming the

surface of exceptions and joining them Developing an attributional description Micro-description Detailed sequential description of: Actions Thoughts

Emotions Sensations interpersonal Respect vs. Disrespect Video removed Find, elicit, or create meaningful experiences of difference Between sessions (end of session interventions)

observational tasks for parents and teachers practicing one or two things bragging meetings reading a new story together Making a Plan Video removed Cooking perogies

Video removed Amplify, anchor, and maintain new experiences rituals and celebrations certificates and letters reflecting teams Therapeutic Letters Offer

commendations to individual family members and/or to the family as a whole, highlighting strengths and competencies Acknowledge problems and their effect Highlight particular words, ideas, or recommendations that stood out from the therapy session. Pose questions about future directions how to keep changes going what developments or new insights will follow

Highlight what you are learning from the Big Hearted or Good Hearted Video removed Two Pictures Video removed Termination and intermittent meetings

Active treatment versus maintenance How long can you keep up these changes without any coaching? Keeping the file open as long as your organization permits you. Expect to see them recurrently Supervision

Competence in Supervision It is a truism that we must have sufficient competence to provide clinical supervision, but specifics are scant Competence in Supervision AAMFT, STANDARD III PROFESSIONAL COMPETENCE AND

INTEGRITY 3.1 Maintenance of Competency. Marriage and family therapists pursue knowledge of new developments and maintain their competence in marriage and family therapy through education, training, and/or supervised experience. Competence in Supervision 3.6 Development of New Skills.

While developing new skills in specialty areas, marriage and family therapists take steps to ensure the competence of their work and to protect clients from possible harm. Marriage and family therapists practice in specialty areas new to them only after appropriate education, training, and/or supervised experience. Competence in Supervision Nothing

specific in AAMFT Code in Principle IV: Responsibility to Students and Supervisees about requiring competence in the activities one is supervising, but its understood from the above. Competence in Supervision ACES Best Practices in Supervision

11.a.i. The supervisor is a competent and experienced practitioner who has knowledge of a range of theoretical orientations and techniques and experience with diverse client populations, as relevant to their counseling setting. Competence in Supervision ACES Best Practices in Clinical Supervision 2. Goal-Setting

iii. The supervisor ensures that the supervisee chooses goals that fit within the supervisors areas of competence. b. The supervisor continually monitors his/her own level of competence in providing supervision and acts accordingly. i. The supervisor provides supervision only for those supervisees and clients for whom the supervisor has adequate training and experience. Competence in

Supervision CCPA Code of Ethics A3. Boundaries of Competence Counsellors limit their counselling services and practices to those which are within their professional competence by virtue of their education and professional experience, and consistent with any requirements for provincial and national credentials. They refer to other professionals when the counselling needs of clients exceed

their level of competence. (See also Competence in Supervision F2. Boundaries of Competence Counsellors who conduct counsellor education, training and supervision have the necessary knowledge and skills to do so, and limit their involvement to such competencies

Competence in Supervision CRPO Standards of Practice 4. 1 The clinical supervisor must be competent in the area of practice/ modality that s/he has agreed to supervise. Competence in Supervision APA Guidelines for Clinical Supervision in Health Service

Psychology Domain A: Supervisor Competence 1. Supervisors strive to be competent in the psychological services provided to clients/patients by supervisees under their supervision Competence in Supervision and when supervising in areas in which they are less

familiar they take reasonable steps to ensure the competence of their work and to protect others from harm. Competence in Supervision Recommendation Since competence is not a binary, consider what support and resources are available: Consultation with legal counsel

(professional liability and family law) Find a senior mental health professional experienced in highconflict divorce and services Screening and Case Assignment Screening is an imperfect science Cases that seem straightforward may throw you a curveball. Look carefully at child therapy referrals

when parents are separated or divorced Support the supervisee in the initial call to parents Some parents generously interpret parenting arrangements in their own favour obtain court orders to confirm parental decision-making. Screening and Case Assignment Recommendation If possible, train intake staff (clinical and admin)

to: Ask and note on the file when parents are separating, separated, or divorced Request the parent calling bring in any orders pertaining to parenting Give the supervisee clear instructions/plan about what to cover in the phone call. Explain the ethical implications of high-conflict separation and co-parenting Support the supervisee to plan the phone call Setting Up for Systemic

Success Set the tone for systemic success. Initial phone call In addition to typical intake info: Ask about if both parents will be involved. Emphasize with child or adolescent therapy, its important that both parents be involved to support changes the young person makes

State that the family is the focus of intervention Setting Up for Systemic Success Make sure they know that we dont take an advocacy position in the even of an litigation Tell them we have no interest in compelling a parent to be in the same room as the other parent, but we do think things go better

for kids when their parents do make decisions together E-mail and copy to other parent Setting Up for Systemic Success Clarify agency policy, your code(s) of ethics, legislation, quasi-judicial bodies, and case law about informed consent and access to information

Recommendations: Coach re: phone call consider live supervision of the phone call Advocate with management for clarity on informed consent and access to information policies Supervisee Competence: Knowledge, Skills, and attitudes Knowledge: Supervisees should have better than basic proficiency with:

Case conceptualization and treatment planning Typical child development Ethical reasoning Dual roles and relationships Informed consent and access to information Supervisee Competence: Knowledge, Skills, and Attitudes Family

systems conceptualization Seeing things in patterns and in terms of social organization is essential for avoiding aligning too much with one parent Family life cycle Divorce process and dynamics of high-conflict divorce Dynamics of abuse -- subclinical

Supervisee Competence: Knowledge, Skills, and Attitudes Recommendations Evaluate supervisees knowledge about areas above and fill in any gaps, assign readings Provide support for ethical decision-making Find best practice guidelines for courtinvolved therapy (Association of Family and Conciliation Courts) Use a legal consultation service if one is provided by your professional association -do it with your supervisee as you sit

together Supervisee Competence: Knowledge, Skills, and Attitudes Recommendations Connect with a family lawyer so you have someone on speed dial. Invite one to do PD with your organization Supervisee Competence:

Knowledge, Skills, and Attitudes Skills Executing basic interventions Balancing support with confrontation Managing the working alliance with multiple clients simultaneously Engaging and interviewing children Managing highly conflictual interactions Supervisee Competence: Knowledge, Skills, and Attitudes

Maintaining even emotional demeanor in the face of provocative and blameful statements (poker face) Acknowledging without endorsing truth (accurate empathy) When he does X, you experience that as an effort at control. You interpret her asking the kids about the time they spent as monitoring you.

Supervisee Competence: Knowledge, Skills, and Attitudes Attitudes Therapeutic neutrality Best interests of the children = effective parental decision-making Patience: the long view Recommendation Be prepared to increase support supervisees to enhance supervisees skill set

Model actual words, phrases, and practices Supervisee Competence: Knowledge, Skills, and Attitudes Supervise live (in room or behind mirror) to support skill development Watch for triangulation or supervisees alignment with one parent Support patience, use pre- and postsessions to calm and reassure

Like any other supervision, think about the case and the supervisees development; be alert to feelings of disempowerment and self-denigration Self of the Therapist Issues For supervisee and supervisor Countertransference (and supervisory transference) Avoiding triangulation Dealing with helplessness Parallel process/isomorphism

Dealing with professional attack sometimes via complaint to regulatory bodies Trainee Nondisclosure 84.3% of trainees withheld information from their supervisors (Ladany & colleagues) more about supervisory issues than clinical issues

trainees negative perception of supervision, personal life concerns, and negative perception of supervisor. Because. deference to supervisor and perceived negative Trainee Nondisclosure nondisclosures involved concerns about supervisors perception of

supervisee (20.6%) worried about how supervisors view them both professionally and personally concerns about professional inadequacy strong supervisory alliance less trainee nondisclosure and more Trainee Nondisclosure The

more the anxiety experienced by the trainee, the greater amount of trainee nondisclosure and a lower overall willingness to disclose in supervision. Informal supervision Barry Farber study -- 146 trainees surveyed: peers, therapists, and significant

others are often recruited not because formal supervision is perceived as poor or unhelpful -respondents found formal supervision more helpful supervisees feel anxious, stressed, inadequate, unknowledgeable, and Supervisee nondisclosure and informal supervision The link between nondisclosure and

informal supervision: no research yet But logically: nondisclosure and informal supervision are linked Extant research indicates that both are (unsurprisingly) negatively correlated strong supervisory alliance Supervisee nondisclosure and informal supervision Recommendations

Tend to the supervisory alliance Self-disclose your own anxiety about working with high conflict families as appropriate If comfortable, tell you own stories to preempt supervisees fear of being poorly evaluated by you Ask specifically about high-conflict separation cases if you dont they might not say Support supervisee to reduce anxiety in other domains of the supervisees performance Competence: Knowledge,

Skills, and Attitudes Knowledge: Ethical standards advanced knowledge Case conceptualization and treatment planning Typical child development Family systems conceptualization Family life cycle Divorce process Dynamics of abuse -- subclinical

Self of the Therapist Issues Recommendations: Reflect on your responses to the situation If necessary, seek consultation for yourself Parallel process/isomorphism Consider your stress level and how you can model calm well-informed coping

Overcoming Lawyerand Court-Phobia Overcoming Lawyer- and Court-Phobia Most therapists enter the field to be altruistic and conciliatory, not adversarial Lawyers are obligated to advocate for their clients Some have not gotten the

memo about adversarial process not being helpful for children Overcoming Lawyer- and Court-Phobia If a lawyer thinks you know something that is helpful to his/her position, they may come fishing in your pond Dont expect them to know or care about our ethics or standards of practice

Even though we might say we wont go to Court, there is no real way to decline to go if a judge thinks you know something worthwhile so go on your own terms! Overcoming Lawyer- and Court-Phobia Remember the author of any document placed in evidence can be examined and cross-examined

Fact witness Only direct knowledge What you have actually seen or heard Expert witness Qualified by experience and training Required when knowledge is outside of the scope of the general public Overcoming Lawyer- and Court-Phobia May

give opinion evidence May use hearsay There is no property in a witness CCPA has an excellent brochure on responding to subpoenas You may be required to turn over a file, but you can often negotiate to release less information Overcoming Lawyer- and

Court-Phobia Get paid! Even agencies should be in the habit of billing for their employees time Bill for admin time for copying, professional rates for redacting, for preparing to give evidence, and for actually giving evidence (including waiting time)

Developing a SchoolBased Response (optional time permitting) Developing a School-Based Response Focus on the big picture Use the core business of education as the entry point Be on the same page and have a go-to

person Interact purposefully with the parents and stepparents Create a safe neutral space for the child Provide supportive and skill-based counselling for students Focus on the big picture Think of this as long-term endeavor.

Dont expect things to change right away and respond calmly to recurring crises Be familiar with existing district policy (if any) likely not specific enough, but sets out the required elements Get a clear picture of the CFAM in bits and pieces Understand the thinking of each parent Focus on the PIPs of HIPs of the parents (and new partners) Use the core business of education as

the entry point Make it clear to each parent that your role is to educate the child, and that you are happy to do whatever it takes to do that Chair meetings assertively to keep on topic Use the childs academic development as an opening to motivate the parents

Be on the same page and have a go-to person Have one person or a team (counsellor and/or AP/VP) to: Be the big-picture guide Think about the patterns Be the schools institutional memory Coach the rest of the staff

Take responsibility for including highconflict parenting situations for discussion in the School Resource Group meetings In accord with legislation and district policy, share information equally (and if possible simultaneously). Be on the same page and have a go-to person Be

warmly skeptical about statements like, I have full custody, or The father is not involved. Obtain court orders, keep them on file, and make sure that everyone on staff knows what they say. Consult legal counsel to interpret if necessary Plan carefully for meetings with parents do them separately if necessary Support each other exercise good selfcare Dont forget the clerical staff loop them in and support them (bus drivers too)

Interact purposefully with parents and step-parents Focus on supporting the childs academics Listen supportively but set boundaries Listen for when, somehow, things are better, or when things are not as bad..

If you hear something, ask for a description (not what the parent can do to make it better) Keep the PIPs in mind listen for Interact purposefully with parents and step-parents Be careful when empathizing. Affirming one parents perspective might lead him/her to think your

agree: So you perception is You experience him as abusive Youve felt she has not attended to the needs of the kids Listen for when they report doing things that seem to help. Ask intently for them to describe what

Create a Safe, Affirming, and Neutral Space for Students Resilience literature states that children surpass negative environments when: Children have a connection with adult who is warm and has firm values

Children are given an outlet for a skill or aptitude Provide supportive counselling for the student if the child will cooperate listen! Create a Safe, Affirming, and Neutral Space for Students When

the child reports the parents are getting along better, or the child is less stressed about the parents relationship, feed that information back to the parents, focusing on what the parent did. Refer to targeted interventions if needed, while keeping an eye on the big picture

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