Intimate Relationships Theories of Attraction 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Propinquity (Proximity) Familiarity Physical Similarity Reciprocity

Attraction A Matter of Rewards Fundamental assumption We are attracted to others whose presence is rewarding to us (Clore & Byrne, 1974) Two different types of rewards Direct received from interactions

with others Indirect benefits that are merely associated with someone else Proximity Liking Those Near Us Generally people become acquainted with, and attracted to, someone who lives, works, shops, and plays nearby To meet people is not necessarily to love them, but to love them we must first meet them!

Correlation b/w physical proximity & interpersonal attraction Think about relationships in the classroom Proximity Propinquity appears to lead to attraction in a variety of situations

This tendency is attributable to: 1. People near to us have more opportunities to REWARD us 2. EXPECTATION of future interaction with those who live and work near us Proximity Experiment 270 MIT students randomly assigned to apartments within 17-building campus complex After 3 months, asked to name 3

closest friends within the complex Proximity Why does proximity have such influence? When others are nearby, its easy to enjoy whatever rewards they offer The expense and effort of interacting with a distant partner

make distant relationships more costly overall Familiarity Repeated Contact Related to propinquity, The closer we are to someone, the more we see them and the more familiar that person becomes The mere exposure effect is an

increase in positive feelings toward a novel stimulus (person) based on frequent exposure to it (him/her) Familiarity Experiment Moreland and Beach (1992) had college women attend certain classes either 15 times, 10 times, or 5 times per semester They never talked and simply sat there At the end of the semester, real students were given pictures of the women and asked for their reactions The more familiar the women were, the more

attracted to them the students were Physical Attractiveness Proximity brings people together, what gets us to notice each other? Three views: Natural selection Averages Bias for beauty, What is beautiful is good Physical Attractiveness

Natural Selection Survival of the fittest What determines who is fit? Competition for limited resources, to survive, reproduce, and raise children Development of adaptive behaviours Women prefer men who have the resources to be good providers Since women were unable to both care for infants and gather food Men preferred women who could

Bear healthy babies, feed their children, and successfully raise them Physical Attractiveness Theory of Averages Good-looking faces in both sexes have features that are neither too large nor too small Indeed, they are quite average However, does not mean that gorgeous people have bland, ordinary looks A more universal look at what is

good-looking Averages These faces are all proportional to one another No nose is too big, no eyes are too small, nothing is exaggerated, or underdeveloped Averaged faces are also symmetrical, with the two sides

of the face being mirror images of one another Thus, beautiful faces seem to combine the best features of individual faces in a balanced, Physical Attractiveness What is beautiful is good Physical attractiveness has substantial influence on first impressions We tend to assume that good-looking people are more likable, better people

than those who are unattractive (Brewer & Archer, 2007) Newborn infants exhibit preferences for faces like those that adults find attractive too They spend more time gazing at attractive than unattractive faces What is beautiful is good Experiment (Dion, Berscheid, and Walster, 1972) Male

and female participants judged that physically attractive people were more likely than the opposite to be more: Kind, strong, outgoing, nurturing, sensitive, interesting, poised, exciting Also, they would have futures that involve: More prestige, happier marriages, professional success, and more Phys. Attract. Long-term Impacts What

about the long run? Berscheid et al. (1972) Yearbook Study Obtained ratings of college yearbook photos Interviewed (then) middle-aged graduates Beauty = More likely to marry What about marital satisfaction, life satisfaction, & overall happiness? No big differences Similarity Liking those who are like us

What kinds of similarity? Demographics (Social homogamy) Attraction from similar social and cultural backgrounds Age, sex, race, education, religion, social class Personality Traits (The Big 5) Openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, neuroticism Partners with similar personalities have happier marriages than do spouses with different styles (Gaunt, 2006)

Values & attitudes The more agreement, the more liking No danger in having too much in common The more similar they are, the more they like each other Reciprocity Liking those who like us Just knowing that someone likes us fuels our attraction to that person Reciprocal liking sometimes happens because of a selffulfilling prophecy:

When we expect people to like us, we elicit more favourable behaviour from them and show more to them Aronson & Worchel (1966) have suggested that reciprocal liking may account for the effect of similarity on attraction Reciprocity The Matching Phenomenon

To enjoy the most success in the relationship marketplace, we should pursue partners who are likely to return our interest Matching Formula A Potential Partners Desirability = His/Her Physical Attractiveness x Their Probability of Accepting You Therefore, the most appealing potential partner is someone who is moderately attractive and who seems to offer a Reciprocity Our

exp. on others acceptance have much to do with our mate value (overall attractiveness as a reproductive partner) People with high mvs are highly sought by others and can reasonably expect most people to be interested in them Thus, similarity in physical attractiveness may operate as a screening device

What is Love? Placemat Individually come up with a definition In groups, share your definition with one another As a whole, come up with a complete definition Three components in Love In simple terms, the strong positive emotion of regard and affection 3 Components

Intimacy Close, connected, bonded feelings between two people Passion The drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, sexual consummation in a relationship Commitment The decision that one loves someone (short-term) and commitment to maintain that love (long-term) Sternbergs Seven Types of Love

Love over Time NOT for Homework Due to Dance!!! Connecting Theory to Music 1. Choose any song about love and/or relationships 2. Identify the parts of the lyrics that indicate the components of love 3. Determine which of the 7 Types of Love this song is talking about 4. Write a short paragraph (4-5

sentences) explaining your analysis (Explain how the lyrics represents one of the components of love) 5. Include the lyrics in your homework Connecting Theory to Music Ill Stand By You by The Pretenders Intimac y Oh, why you look so sad? Tears are in your eyes Come on and come to me now Don't be ashamed to cry. Let me see you through

'cause I've seen the dark side too When the night falls on you, you don't know what to do Nothing you confess, could make me love you less I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you Won't let nobody hurt you, I'll stand by you Commitme Intimac y So if you're mad, get mad nt Don't hold it all inside, come on and talk to me now Hey, what you got to hide?

I get angry too, well I'm a lot like you When you're standing at the crossroads And don't know which path to choose Let me come along, 'cause even if you're wrong I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you Won't let nobody hurt you, I'll stand by you Explanation In The Pretenders song, Ill Stand By You, the band sings, Oh, why you look so sad? Tears are in your eyes, come on and come to me now. This shows intimacy as it describes close bonded feelings between them and a desire to be close to each other. When they repeat, Ill stand by you, it shows evidence of

commitment, which can indicate either short or long-term. Finally, they sing, So if you're mad, get mad. Don't hold it all inside, come on and talk to me now, which also indicates intimacy through the desire to share feelings with one another. Therefore, as this song shows indication of both intimacy and commitment, according to the Triangular Theory of Love, the band is singing about Companionate Love.

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