PROPER ETIQUETTE Accompanying Slides for Trainers Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 1 S h o w WHAT IS ETIQUETTE? D I m a g e e v e l o p a n i m a g e w it h R es p ec t Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 2
r e s p e c t t o o t h e r TITLES OF RESPECT Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 3 A business owner would give higher status to a customer than to Giving high rank his staff because to a customer is the business is simply good trying to provide business sense. a service to the in Itscustomer still essential However, the exchange and goodfor customer is the money. business for the
higher-ranking business owner individual in a to treat his staff business with dignity and relationship. Its really respect. important for your clients to NEVER assume know that if they you are of the do not introduce same rank or themselves authority as properly, they another person! will look Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 4 A HIGHER STATUS NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION Exchanging information without using words Facial expressions Body stance Eye rolling Eye contact Fingernail-picking Foot-tapping Gum-snapping Playing with our hair
Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 5 CLEAR AND CONCISE MESSAGES In business, its really important not to send the wrong message. We just want to get our message across in a way that is concise and clear. Non-verbal communications garble the message and cross our lines. Less is more. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 6 HELPING CLIENTS WITH THEIR MESSAGING Eliminate any non-verbal cues that send the wrong message PowerPoint has new layouts SEND THE that give you INTENDED more ways to MESSAGE present your words, images and media. Eliminate the excessive noise Speak clearly and concisely
Get the point across in as few words as possible See how they interact in a social setting Observe them Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 7 It s v e ry i m p o Common rtCourtesies a P nt o S to w a e e y xt rf th e ul e n in m d b
w th u it e si h s n e e e nt in s h b s u u s si PLEASE, THANK YOU, & YOURE WELCOME Please Thank You Dont say it in a begrudging way, as if you expect to get what you want automatical ly Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 8 Youre Welcome You
r voic e sho Don uld t go sou up nd at like the you end re ; it res sho entf uld ul nt Im APOLOGIES & MISTAKES Sorry. It can be very difficult for people to say Im sorry. We need to acknowledge that we make mistakes. We need to be accountable for our actions. It shows we respect the other people around us. It opens the door to clear up any past problems. It makes us seem more powerful, more authentic. It seems like we have more integrity.
Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 9 MISTAKES ARE UNINTENTIONAL Its really important to remember that when people make a mistake, most likely theyre not intentionally being rude or using bad manners. Mistakes are generally not intended to: Humiliate Damage Cause ill feelings or discomfort Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 10 HAVE MANNERS Dont assume the worst about each other. All of our behaviors and words can have an incredible, lasting impact on others. How you handle a situation speaks volumes for your character and maturity. The rule in etiquette is to accept the other persons apology graciously and sincerely, dont bring it up again, and move on. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 11 CONSIDERATION OF OTHERS Good Manners
Two Simple Rules Be considerate toward others. 1 2 Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 12 DISCRETION & TACT You dont always have to say what is on your mind. Speaking kindly is a perfect example of having exemplary, fantastic business manners. Tact is the ability to avoid giving offense to someone. Tact is a great skill that we use in situations in which other peoples feelings have to be considered. Look for the positive, and then remember that this will go a long way. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 13 YOU HAVE A CHOICE You choose the impact you have on others. You can use tact and discretion and build a relationship, or you can use bad manners and you can cause tension and stress. Tact and discretion are really about emotional intelligence. Find things that resonate and build relationships with other people.
Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 14 WHO HOLDS THE POWER? Having an understanding of who holds power in the organization is very important. Work with your clients to draw an organizational chart based on actual influence, not just titles. Draw each box of the organizational chart based on how much informal power the person really has, not their formal title: who shares information with whom, who influences whom, and who tends to support one another. Map out who influences whom in the organization. That way, you can develop alliances to get ideas across. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 15 FROM ROLE PLAYING TO RUBBER BANDS Role Playing Rubber Bands Role play high-stakes conversations to make sure they arent going to escalate the conflict or blurt out things they will regret later. Start up front by encouraging the client to say everything they really want to say.
They can swear, insult, yell, and whatever else they want. It allows the client to vent so that he or she isnt likely to say these inappropriate things in the regular meeting. Then you can shift and say, Now that youve got that off your chest, what do you want to say? 1. 2. Place a rubber band on your clients wrist. Instruct them to snap the rubber band when they are about to say something. The pain of the snap is a reminder to the client to say to him or herself, Oh, shoot, I need to think about what Im saying before I say it. So before you react, you snap the rubber band. You feel the sting. You wait and then you respond. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 16 RUDENESS Ill-Mannered Insensitive
Blatant Crass Insidious Covert Covert Insidious Crass Blatant Insensitive Ill-Mannered Ill-Mannered Insensitive Blatant Crass Insidious Covert Covert Insidious Crass Blatant Insensitive Ill-Mannered Ill-Mannered Insensitive Blatant Crass Insidious Covert Covert Insidious Crass Blatant Insensitive RUDENESS Ill-Mannered Rudeness is inevitable. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 17 THE RESPONSIBILITY OF RUDENESS At the most basic level, its our responsibility to ensure that were not making those around us feel threatened or unsafe.
The basic rules of etiquette help us maintain a safe society, free of illness and mayhem and anarchy and discomfort. 99 % How sure we are those around us can maintain composure and be on their best behavior when they use the rules of etiquette in their every day lives. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 18 THE BEHAVIOR OF ETIQUETTE Etiquette dictates You dont correct other peoples behavior. We dont ever correct a rude persons behavior. You have to take responsibility for your own behavior, and you let the behavior of others go. In a business situation there are going to be situations where we need to correct behaviors that have a negative impact on performance. Equal to equal, we dont correct a rude behavior. We have a right to stand up for ourselves if a rude person is disrupting us; we do not allow ourselves to be abused. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 19 e d Ite e ti o h n al m pl e t w
e e m h tit w o e h o ill st e cr r h n u o e o d d n c ,rr e si o sib p d g ly o e rni m ro z u e ypl
e d ti e o t e m is u h a e rt ei n it ro r sd a e m e b sct is g e p t o st ol o tca it n k e o sel e
n ju y. e a tr st . n ic w d p al DEALING WITH RUDENESS Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 20 THE ISSUE OF RUDENESS Focus on the issue Whats the objective ? Whats the value? Dont let rudeness be a distraction to you. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 21 THE RUDENESS EFFECT In Business Tools of the trade There is an incentive
to practice etiquette. Dont use rudeness as an excuse not to get results. You cant be obsessed with how everybody else is affecting you. Its important to just be aware. Stay on task Treat others with dignity and respect Do the most that you can so that youre not being off-putting to others Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 22 THE WORD NO Very loaded Safety NO Good judgment Protecting our dignity Establishing boundaries Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 23 USING NO SMARTLY Its very important to learn how to say no. You want to act firmly so that youre not stepped on and you dont become somebody who is easily taken advantage of. In business, the best way to say no is by also solving the other persons problem. Make it a win-win scenario while setting
boundaries, either to handle a short-term situation, or to address something thats longer-term about the working relationship. Balance results and relationships. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 24 IT CAN BE VERY HARD TO RECEIVE A NO Anger Hu rt Frustr ated Not Value d Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 25 A NO TODAY CAN BECOME A YES TOMORROW Take the no gracefully, without being resentful or causing a problem. Then you can make a choice. Decide whether this a battle worth fighting or
whether you should move on to focus on other issues. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 26 If you decide that the battle is worth fighting, you can come up with a new way to influence the person to turn that no into a yes. AFFECT Your affect is your emotional response to your surroundings. People are supposed to have an appropriate response when hearing about news or information or anything that affects them. People at all levels of authority have to remember the way that we behave is a choice. Its helpful to behave in a way that moves us forward and helps us to achieve our goals.
Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 27 FLAT AFFECT Confusing to listener Sends odd messages Inappropri ate response Reduced emotional reactivity Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 28 A lack of affect, also called a flat affect is when a person doesnt show much of a reaction to whats going on around them. RECEIVING GIFTS There is no greater telltale sign of good manners than responding properly to receiving a gift. Were not entitled to gifts. The most important rule when receiving any gift is to say, Thank you very, very much. This is just what I wanted. Receiving a gift requires big enthusiasm, even when you dont love the gift.
Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 29 RESPONDING TO A GIFT When you get a gift, its important to send a thank you note. Its really to important show n. appreciatio If you do not send a thank you note, not only are you being rude, but the person or group that sent you the gift will forever be wondering if it came in the mail, if you received it or if you liked it, or if youre snubbing them. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 30 Make it a ha never tou bit to ch a gift or cash o r a gift card until you have writ ten and mailed th e thank you note . that
Remember es have c ffi o y n a m s strict policie t you about wha d what n a e iv g n ca ceive, you can re to especially from clients and vendors. Keep your thank you notes short and sweet. Use a relaxed writing style so that the note sounds like you and isnt too formal. gift, after a job interview, or
after somebody has done something Be sure tofor you addin Ifsomething the gift is business. from a group, warm and address the personal. envelope to the highest authority (like your boss), and then mention everybody else in the note. that thank you note in the mail within one week of receiving the Address gift. the envelope, using the proper title: Exclamation Ms., Miss, points and Mr., Mrs., Dr. underlining to highlight specific points
in your note helps to make your writing lively. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 31 STICK A STAMP ON IT Be sure to write the note on appropriate paper. Theres no substitute for an oldfashioned, handwritten, stamped, snail-mailed thank you note. It goes a long way. It looks professional. Its appropriate and its memorable. However, there are some rules about writing
thank you notes. WHAT DOES THE PERFECT NOTE SAY? Mention the gift Express true gratitude Dont be stuffy, be realistic. If the gift is not the greatest gift ever, dont say that. When receiving money, let the giver know how you intend to use the gift; referring to the amount is optional. If you dont care for a gift, you must use tact when writing the thank you note. Never mention that youre unhappy with a gift or that you intend to return it for something better or exchange it. Never indicate any dissatisfaction with a gift. Thank you so much for your generous gift. I have been saving for a new laptop and I am going to put this money towards that. Then I will be able to travel easily to clients. Its going to make my life so much better. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 32
ITS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS Gifts are given with no strings attached. Be thoughtful Never tell and what a gift appropriate. cost you. Set a budget and stick to that budget. We give gifts to show that we respect the other person, that we care for them and want to make them happy. A gift is a generous offering. Dont offer excuses when you hand over a gift. A gift should be given gracefully. For corporate gifts, you may want to think about books, bottles of wine, items for the desk, a pen. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 33 KICKING BACK AT KICKBACKS OR INAPPROPRIATE ADVANCES Kickbacks Inappropriate Advances
If you perceive the other person is giving you a kickback, a bribe, or a gift that is larger than seems appropriate, or any other overture that could be perceived as inappropriate, the correct response is to say, Gee, I appreciate it, but I cant accept this. Our company has a strict policy At the same time, every company should have a policy about how to handle any attempts at kickbacks. If you work for a company and youre offered any kind of kickback, bribe, or inappropriately large gift you should immediately reject it (with tact and diplomacy), and then go to your boss and any other appropriate channel and let them know what just happened. If youre particularly concerned, written documentation should follow as well. If you receive a gift that you perceive could be a romantic or even sexual advance in the office, you need to listen to your gut. If your gut says it was inappropriate and that inner voice is saying something, then you can have a conversation with the gift giver that clarifies the relationship as business only.
Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 34 ATTENDING A PARTY We have to remember that any get-together requires proper etiquette. If we always remember the imperative of good manners, itll be irrelevant whether were attending a formal or informal party because basic manners rules will always be the same. The obvious differences between formal and informal parties are: Invitations; Style of dress; Venue; How many people are attending; Catered versus non-catered affairs; and, Perhaps whether high-profile celebrities and authorities are there. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 35 THE INVITE! The first thing that is going to happen is were going to receive an invitation. We have to treat every invitation with courtesy and respect for the host. Invitations can be a little bit more complicated than they first appear.
Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 36 WHAT TO WEAR?! Usually the more formal the invitation, the more formal the event youre being invited to. Indicators of how to dress are found on the invitation. They include the type of event The location The time of day Sometimes, especially for very formal occasions, the host will indicate the style of dress youre expected to wear. Usually a black tie request is found on the bottom of the invitation. Simply follow the hosts instructions and wear what the invite says. The problem that people sometimes have with dress requests is that they can get confused. Bu sin es Cr s uisAtt e ire W ea Be r ac h Att ire
Cl as sy Ca su al Ca su al Att ire Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 37 No tie s ne ce ss ar y W hit e Tie Co ns er vatDr ive es s St Bl yle ac k Tie RPONDEZ, S'IL VOUS PLAT Our first responsibility is to RSVP
to our host. Often the invitation will give a date on which the invitees should respond with a yes or a no. The host will also include a phone number, email address, or home address so that guests can promptly reply. Sometimes a reply card will be included with the invitation. The reply card asks the attendee whether or not he is attending and how many people will be attending with him. The reply card is stamped and addressed to the host to make for a very easy RSVP. RSVP Reply or Respond Please Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 38 Rpondez, s'il vous plat Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 39 Invitations sometimes contain a line that says, No gifts, please.
People attending should respect this message and not bring a gift, because it could embarrass the host or other guests. Invitations should never mention anything about specific gifts. Its not polite ever to ask for gifts. If you do receive a tacky invitation with a gift request, dont make a big deal of it. SAYING YES The musts of yes Once a person has replied yes to an invitation, he or she must attend. The
only reason to cancel is serious illness or a dire emergency. Were talking about your integrity and also your reputation. The rule extends to job offers, dating, invites to dinners, and invites to other social events besides parties. If you say youre going to go, you need to go. The nerve of yes Its very common to feel nervous before going to an event. Everybody feels nervous. You want to make sure if you do have a propensity to be nervous before an event that you plan and prepare before going out. This is especially true in the business world, because were going to be rubbing elbows with possible clients, customers, our bosses, coworkers, people that might hire us in the future, or coworkers and staff. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 40 PLANNING MAKES PERFECT Be prepared for the event.
Plan your outfit in advance. Do your hair early enough. Purchase and wrap a hostess gift in advance. Find out the address. Be sure youre not frazzled. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 41 PARTY CHECKLIST Be ready to have a great time. Arrive at the time printed on the invitation or no more than 15 minutes late. k ber to than m e m re s y r Alwa Thank you .
e ic w t t s o your h and thank r o o d e th host at of some sort h it w m e th re te if its mo o n u o y k n tha little phone a d n a l, a form if its a less
il a m e n a r call o ir. formal affa Be sure not to complain about anything. Socialize with the other guests. # # # # Be sure to thank your host on the way out the door. You dont want to be seen as somebody who is no fun. Take part in everything that the host has planned. Leave on time. Dont make excuses to hide out. Offer to help out. Dont overeat or drink. Be sure to listen to the host and do what he or she asks. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 42 PROPER ATTIRE Deciding what you want to wear and wearing
whatever you would like wherever is one of the great privileges of adulthood. However, in the business world, people do care. You are being judged by the way you look. How we choose to dress has meaning. Our attire reflects the importance that we attach to the event we are attending. Good or bad, its simply a reality that our choice of clothing sends a message. If were thoughtful when dressing, it shows respect to others. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 43 NOT EVERY OCCASION IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE There are times when toning down your look shows regard for others. In any unfamiliar situation, when meeting people for the first time, dressing more plainly makes us feel less conspicuous. If youre unsure what to wear, take your cues from other people. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 44 CASUAL & SEMI-FORMAL CATEGORIES OF DRESS Casual Almost Almost anything anything goes.
goes. Business Casual Men Men Men wear wear slacks slacks or or khakis, khakis, a a button-down button-down shirt shirt left open at the left open at the collar, collar, blazer blazer or or sport sport coat coat and and no no tie. tie. Clothes Clothes are are clean, clean, stain stain and and rip-free rip-free (unless
the (unless the rips rips are are part part of of the the design), design), wrinklewrinklefree free and and fit fit correctly. correctly. Casual Casual doesnt doesnt mean sloppy mean sloppy or or inappropriate. inappropriate. Business Casual Women Women Women can can wear wear a a business business skirt skirt to to the knee, but no the knee, but no
mini-skirts. mini-skirts. Khakis, Khakis, blouses, blouses, knit or knit or silk silk shirts, shirts, cardigans cardigans or or pullpullover over sweaters sweaters are are also also acceptable. acceptable. Dresses Dresses are are appropriate appropriate ifif they they maintain the maintain the same same feel feel as as these these choices. choices. Sometimes Sometimes a a golf golf shirt shirt is is
acceptable. acceptable. Arms Arms should should be be covered covered with with a a sweater if wearing sweater if wearing a tank top. a tank top. Wear Wear a a closed-toe closed-toe shoe; shoe; no no strappy strappy sandals, sandals, no no stilettos stilettos and and no no sneakers sneakers and and no no flip-flops. flip-flops. Business (Semi-)
Formal Festive Attire Men Men wear wear a a suit, suit, tie, tie, buttonedbuttoneddown, pressed down, pressed shirt shirt and and dress dress shoes. shoes. After After 6:00 6:00 pm pm a a dark dark suit suit is is required required for for men. men. Women Women wear wear tailored, tailored, dressy dressy suits, skirt
suits, skirt or or dressy dressy pant pant suit, suit, blouse, blouse, dresses dresses nothing nothing too too sexy sexy or or slinky, slinky, the the classic classic little little black black dress. dress. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 45 For For women, women, choose choose outfits outfits with with a bit of a bit of sparkle sparkle or or holiday-bent. holiday-bent.
FORMAL CATEGORIES OF DRESS Formal Attire Black Tie Formal Attire White Tie Black Tie Optional Creative Black Tie Men Men wear wear a a black black tuxedo tuxedo jacket jacket and and matching matching slacks, slacks, white-pleated white-pleated front front shirt, shirt, black, black, shiny shiny bow-tie bow-tie and and matching matching cummerbund, cummerbund, black black patent-leather patent-leather shoes shoes
and and black black dress dress socks. socks. Men Men wear wear a a black black tuxedo with tuxedo with tails tails and and matching matching slacks slacks with with satin satin strips strips or or gray gray down down the the side; side; a a stiffstifffront front white white pick pick (or (or Marcella), Marcella), wingwingtipped tipped shirt, shirt, white white bow-tie bow-tie and and white
white vest; vest; white white or or gray gray gloves; gloves; black black patentpatentleather leather shoes shoes and and black black dress dress socks. socks. Dark Dark suit suit for for men. men. Men Men could could wear wear a a black black tuxedo, tuxedo, black black shirt shirt and and no no tie. tie. Women Women wear wear cocktail dresses, cocktail
dresses, long long dresses dresses or or dressy dressy evening evening separates separates and and a a dressy dressy shoe. shoe. Women Women wear wear formal formal evening evening gowns. gowns. Evening Evening wear wear for for women. women. Women Women wear wear long long or or short short dress dress or or evening evening separates. separates.
Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 46 DRESS LIKE A PROFESSIONAL Keep underwear under your clothes. Dressing professionally means dressing to do a job, not find a date. Make sure youre always clean, put-together and appropriate. Clothes that look and feel good will help you feel comfortable and confident. A bit of bling, jewelry and eyewear and the like is great, but not in excess, especially in business settings. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 47 ACCESSORIES, ACCESSORIES,Let common sense . our guide y e b ACCESSORIES Take one accessory off before leaving the Choose house.one nice pair of earrings for important events and take out the Consider
a extras. thin leather wallet for credit cards and a money clip for bills. Use makeup sparingly. Standard Hat Rules Apply For important occasions Keep ties usetasteful, colognes sparingly. spotlessly clean and think about where you are going To wear when pantyhose choosing aor nottie. wear pantyhose is a personal choice. Keep your fingernails conservativel Invest in a y groomed. stylish
handbag, roomy enough to carry everything Cufflinks can that you look great need. with just a ring and a watch. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 48 Keep hair clean, wellgroomed and smooth. Sunglasses are for outdoors. Take them off when inside. Use proper decorum when getting dressed. GOOD GROOMING AND HYGIENE Its important to be self-aware and be on the lookout for body odor, bad breath, greasy hair, dandruff, dirty fingernails and other hygiene problems. Men, facial hair, ear and nose hair must be kept trimmed. Be sure to shower daily. Brush your teeth twice a day. Keep your hair trimmed by a professional and use an antiperspirant to stay looking clean and smelling great.
And finally, get enough sleep. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 49 TATTOOS AND BODY PIERCINGS l to the Equa g in rd o c c A nity nt Opportu have Employme Employers , n io s is s Comm dress code e rc fo n e g the right to cies as lon li o p e c n
a r and appea riminate or c is d t o n o they d Others think these acts are artistic expressions ofasfree-thinking and race, color, s n o rs Some people abhor the thought of markinghtheir body. e p r inder a openness. nal origin o o ti a n , e g a religion, gender. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 50 TABLE MANNERS It may seem unfair but many people have missed out on jobs and dates because when
sharing a meal together, they demonstrate horrible manners. Good table manners are a courtesy for those we eat with, and show respect for those we work with. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 51 CASUAL DINING Most of the time when we eat we dine casually. Just because its causal doesnt mean that table manners dont apply. Casual dining is also referred to as informal dining. An informal table looks very different from a formal table and probably looks very familiar to most of us. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 52 OUTSIDE IN We work our way in as we progress through the meal, meaning that we choose the utensils farthest from our plate for each course. It makes complete sense. The utensils are lined up for easy access from the outside in. It wouldnt make sense to have to shuffle through those utensils nearest to our plate to come up with the correct tool. Just pick up the fork and the knife farthest away from you as your courses are placed in front of you. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 53
FORMAL DINING The table can be breathtaking and the service is impeccable and usually the food is exceptional, too. The host or restaurant uses the finest of linens, china and silverware. The formal table setting actually is set very similarly to the casual dinner setting, except there are some more pieces of silver, glasses and plates to accommodate more courses. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 54 TABLE LINENS A nicely set table, whether formal or informal, will be set with good linens. Use good manners and treat the linens with respect so that you say in return, Thank you so much for having me. I realize this is an important event. I will do my best to keep your linens nice. Do not rest dirty utensils on the table. Be very careful when serving yourself food to prevent drips from falling onto the tablecloth. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 55 USING YOUR NAPKIN
Do not use your napkin to flag down your waiter or gesture to guests. Dont use the tablecloth as a napkin. If you misplace your napkin or it drops off your lap to the floor, quietly ask your server for another. Never leave a big lipstick stain on someones beautiful linen napkins. Dont put anything into your napkin, like pits, gum, chewed bones or food that you dont like. The right time to put your napkin into your lap is as soon as you sit down at the table. It is never okay to tuck your napkin into your collar or into the buttons of your shirt, or into your waistband. It is never okay to snap your napkin open with a flick of your wrist. Unfold the napkin, so that it stays folded in half and place it on your lap. Your napkin is not a tissue. Eat neatly and blot your lips often with a small section of your napkin to stay tidy. Use your napkin before taking a sip of your drink and the edge of your glass will stay clean. When you are through with your meal, place your napkin beside your plate. If you get up during the meal, place your napkin to the left of your plate. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 56 SITTING POLITELY AT THE TABLE
You should sit comfortably in your chair, not as if you have a steel rod up your back. When you have utensils in your hands and youre eating, your elbows cannot be on the table. Forearms may be placed on the table while in conversation. While waiting for the food to be served, dont handle your utensils. Tapping your knife, flipping your spoon by pushing on the tip, balancing your spoon on your finger--or your nose--playing with the salt and pepper shakers, running a wet finger around your glass to make a humming noise, are all no-nos. Also, never pick up the china to look at the makers mark on the bottom. Its very tacky. Refrain from applying makeup, combing your hair, using your knife as a mirror to look at your teeth, topping off your shoes under the table or rocking in your chair. Conversation should be pleasant
without discussion of anything uncomfortable. The first thing that we do after the food has been placed on the table is to thank the cook, if we are in somebodys home. Follow the customs of the family you are dining with politely and without judgment or discussion. The correct time to start eating is that we do not begin to eat until everyone is served. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 57 Customarily, serving dishes are passed to the right, but as long as the traffic pattern is in one direction, it doesnt really matter which direction they get going. Point spoons toward the neighbor you are passing to and try not to allow serving spoons to slip all the way into the dish. Serving dishes and other dishes with handles should be passed with the handle facing the person receiving the item.
The best way to achieve this objective is to pass all of the serving dishes in the same direction. Refrain from sampling the food out of the serving dishes as they make their way around the table. When serving dishes are heavy, the dish can be set down and the person can serve himself or the person passing can hold the dish while his neighbor serves herself and then takes the dish. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 58 PASSING THE FOOD At a casual meal with people you know well, you may refuse a dish being served. The objective is to get the food going around the table so that everyone gets served quickly while the food is
still hot. SERVING THE COMPLEMENTS Take a small amount of each dish that is passed. When allergic to certain foods, express it. Requesting special items is fine at home or when dining with close friends. Requesting special items when you have been invited to a dinner party is not fine. Gravy should be carefully served from the gravy boat, which should have a little ladle inside and a plate underneath. Serve a small amount of the substance next to the food you will be using it on. If the salt and pepper shakers are not within easy reach, ask your neighbor to pass the salt. If someone asks you for salt, pass both the salt and pepper. A second helping is fine, unless the cook hasnt prepared enough food. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 59 CORRECT USE OF UTENSILS Forks Spoons Your fork has two parts: The tines and the handle. means before its facing up as its set on the table. Tines down shows the back of the fork. Tines-up Your spoon should rest
comfortably, balanced on the end of your middle finger at the first knuckle where the pencil sits with your thumb resting on the handle to secure it in your grasp, and your index finger touching the edge of the handle. Knife Your knife has a handle and a blade. Blade-in means the blade faces inward toward the plate. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 60 THE AMERICAN STYLE OF DINING People who choose to use the American style of dining do not hold their knife while eating. The knife is only used for cutting. The fork is paired with the knife when cutting food. The fork is held in the opposite hand from the knife, tines down. The knife is used by sliding the blade through the food with your index finger on the handle, just slightly below where the blade begins. When you are cutting and using both hands, your elbows should be slightly raised above the table top and held close into your body. When you cut a bite-size piece of food, switch your fork back into your dominant hand, and balance your knife, blade-in, on the edge of your plate.
With the fork now in your dominant hand, tines-up, pierce the piece of food that you have cut and place the food in your mouth. The food is removed from the fork using your lips. Its not good manners to cut all of your food up at once. Cut off one piece, balance the knife on the edge of the plate, blade-in, switch your fork back to your dominant hand and eat the piece of food you have cut. Eat a little of each item on your plate. Your plate shouldnt look like a bomb went off when you eat. Keep the dish neat by pushing little scraps to the side. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 61 THE CONTINENTAL STYLE OF DINING The fork is held tines down, in the non-dominant hand. The index finger presses gently on the back of the fork just above the tines. The knife is held throughout the meal in the dominant hand and is used to not only to cut but to push food. After cutting a bite of food, the food is lifted to the mouth using the fork, tines can stay either up or down, depending on the food. Meat is often lifted to the mouth with the tines of the fork down. Food is pushed onto the fork with the tines up, and brought to the mouth tines up. The knife is used to push food onto the fork. Other pieces of food may be added to the fork in addition to the cut piece. Push the food onto the fork, moving it away from the body so the mashed potatoes dont end up in your lap. If you go online and look up the two styles of dining, you will see great debate regarding which method is correct. The answer again is that both methods are correct, as long as the methods are done properly. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 62 LAYING DOWN UTENSILS American Style
Continental Style If you use the American style of dining, leave the knife resting, balanced on the top edge of the plate. If you pretend that your plate is a clock, the knife rests on 1:00 oclock. The knife should be blade-in. Your fork will rest near the knife, with the handle resting over the edge of the plate. If you use Continental style of dining, lay your fork and knife flat on the plate, with the tips pointing toward each other, like two sides of a mountain. The fork tines will face down, and the knife blade will face in. The utensils handles rest on the edge of the plate. When you are done with your meal, simply lay your fork and knife next to each other, flat on the dish, handles hanging an inch or two off the edge of the plate. If you again think of the plate as a clock, the fork and knife handles should lie across 4:00 oclock, and the blade and the tines would face 11:00 oclock. The blade of the knife always stays blade-in. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 63 LETS EAT There are rules for chewing. 1. Only take bite-sized pieces. 2. Chew with your mouth closed.
3. Chew each bite and swallow before putting more food into your mouth. 4. If you would like a sip of your drink, swallow. 5. 6. Put your utensils down. Dab your mouth with your napkin and take a sip. Dont take a sip with food in your mouth. When you want to speak, make sure that your mouth is empty. No weird noises while eating. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 64 BREAKING BREAD It is said that the sign of a healthy community is great bread. Take one piece of bread at a time from the basket or dish when it is handed to you. Break your bread into reasonably-sized pieces, not too small. Place the remainder of your slice of your bread or your roll on your bread
plate or the edge of your dinner plate if you dont have a bread plate. Butter one piece of your roll or slice of bread at a time. Use your bread to push the food onto your fork, neatly. To butter, rest the piece of bread against your plate. Slice a small piece of butter and place it on the edge of your bread plate or dinner dish. Finish eating the piece of bread that you have buttered and then move on to the next piece. Butter against your plate and then eat. Bread is an excellent tool when used in conjunction with your fork. Pierce a small piece of bread with your fork to soak and enjoy the last of the sauce on your plate. You shouldnt have bread in one hand and a fork in the other hand throughout the meal.
Half of a warm biscuit or half of a warm muffin can be buttered without breaking. If the muffin is bigger than your head, half of it is still too big to eat without breaking. Break it into a manageable piece, not bite-sized but manageable. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 65 YUCK, GET THIS OFF MY PLATE We dont always love what is served to us, especially if it is alive and crawling around in the salad. Refrain from drama. If you have an allergy to a certain food, dont eat it. Simply leave the remaining portion on your plate. Dont announce it to the table. Never insult the cook or the host. Never announce to the table that you spit anything out. Never announce to the table that you found something gross on your plate. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 66 OOPS Mistakes may happen while eating, as they happen sometimes while living. If you stay relaxed, skip the drama and try to see the humor in the situation, even
uncomfortable situations can be glossed over. Being gracious during difficult times is a major etiquette necessity. It is never okay to pick your teeth in public. No technology at the table. Finish your meal at the same time as the rest. Be social while out with a group. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 67 EATING OUT The goal in etiquette is to make those around you feel comfortable. Dont offer to pay the check if somebody else was expecting to pay the check. Watch the host for cues. If people are not having appetizers, dont order an appetizer. Dont order alcohol if nobody else is ordering alcohol. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 68 SKILLFUL CONVERSATION If we were fish, language would be the liquid that we swim in. The more clearly we speak, the easier it is to express our ideas and get our point across. Make eye contact when speaking with someone. Many people say that a good communicator listens eighty percent of the time, and speaks twenty percent of the time.
Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 69 LISTEN ACTIVELY & SPEAKING CLEARLY He said She said To listen actively: Pay attention to the speaker Make gestures and use language to show you are listening Give feedback to the speaker to show youre listening Ask questions Reword and restate Dont interrupt Make no counter-arguments Wait to respond until the speaker stops Respond respectfully Dont attack Respond appropriately and be honest, but not aggressive To speak clearly: Eliminate the use of Like, um, and you know Use silent pauses Speak loudly and slowly Use slang only when with family and friends Think before you curse Nod to conversation newcomers
Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 70 USING THE PHONE, EMAILING AND TEXTING Keep technology out of business meetings unless youre using it with permission or it seems appropriate for the circumstance. Be sure when answering the phone that you use a polite greeting. Set your phone on vibrate when in public places like movie theaters or theater, and let calls go to voicemail. You may excuse yourself and go to a more secluded location if the call is important. Control the volume of your phone and your voice. Calls should end with a nice pleasantry. If you must borrow a phone, always ask the owner before picking it up. Texting while in conversation with someone else is bad manners. Dont use your phone to send any inappropriate content. Never text and drive. Be social while out with others. When trying to resolve an emotional issue, deal directly with the person face to face. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 71
CYBER CIVILITY AND SOCIAL NETWORKING You create your image online Rules for Good Cyber Civility Cyber civility is just as important as face to face civility You dont stop using good manners because youre hidden behind a computer screen. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. People should be able to exchange thoughts and ideas without being a target of abuse or lies. Online users should be accountable and responsible for their speech. People do not have a right to be malicious, mean or nasty just because they are online.
People who have been the targets of abuse must speak out and report it. Dont allow abusers to continue their terrible behavior. Distinguish between ethical and non-ethical sites, and dont visit the non-ethical. Fight for federal laws that battle cyber bullying and harassment. Dont allow the best and the brightest to be suppressed by the most hostile and uncivilized. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 72 Create Create a a list list of of job-related job-related questions to questions to ask ask your your interviewer. Practice Practice answering answering a a list list of interview of interview questions questions that that you think will be asked of you you in in the the interview. interview.
Go Go online online and and research research everything you can find out about the company, the the people people you you will will be be meeting, the industry, and the role you are interviewing interviewing to to fill. fill. Print Print directions directions and and do do a a dry dry run run the the day day before. before. Turn off your mobile phone. phone. Dont Dont text text or or answer answer the the phone
phone during during an interview. Arrive Arrive a a few few minutes minutes early. early. Pleasantly Pleasantly inform inform the the secretary that you are there there for for an an interview interview with with Ms. Ms. Whomever Whomever at at ten ten oclock. Dont chat with the secretary. He or she has has work work to to do. do. Never Never bring bring candy, candy, food, food, drinks, drinks, or
or gum gum into into an an interview. Sit Sit quietly quietly until until you you are are called. called. Stay Stay relaxed. relaxed. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 73 INTERVIEWING FOR AN OPPORTUNITY Bring Bring a a neat neat binder binder containing containing any any papers papers that you need. When preparing for the interview, there are a few steps to consider. BREATHE AND STAY FOCUSED Waiting to exhale
Momma always said Try this square breathing exercise as a great relaxation technique perfect for pre-interview jitters. Its only five steps. 1. Breathe in for four seconds. 2. Hold your breath for four seconds. 3. Slowly breathe out for four seconds. 4. Wait for four seconds, dont breathe in. 5. Repeat steps one through four, focusing only on your breathing. Keep doing this for four minutes to relax yourself while waiting for your interview. When it is time for your interview, dont sit down until the interviewer invites you to sit. Stay focused on the interviewer and the questions you are being asked. Sit up straight in your chair. Dont touch anything on the interviewers desk. Dont fidget, twist your hair or play with your rings, pen, tie, loose change or any other distraction. Of course, dont smoke in an interview. Be polite, friendly, professional and upbeat. Make no negative comments or criticism about friends, family, teachers, former bosses, coaches or co-workers. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 74 THE TAKE OFF AND THE LANDING
Sell Yourself Follow Up Your job during the interview is to be a salesperson. Emphasize your strengths and dont mention your weaknesses. If asked about your weaknesses, discuss your willingness to learn, to challenge yourself, and to grow. Answer all questions honestly. If youre confused by a question, ask the interviewer to explain or rephrase. Be sure to provide explanations, examples and answers to the question you were asked. Ask at the end of the interview how you should follow up. At the end of the interview, stand, shake the interviewers hand, and say thank you. Ask for a business card so that you have the exact title and spelling of the interviewers name and business and email address. As soon as you get home, be sure to send a short thank you note. Once youve been offered a job, you can and should ask about salary, benefits and work schedule. Unless the interviewer brings up the subject, dont discuss salary until you have an offer. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 75
RUNNING EFFECTIVE MEETINGS Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 76 Presentations should include: Only call a meeting if it is absolutely the only way to achieve the desired outcome. Pass out an agenda ahead of time. Start with what people already know, by gathering information ahead of time. Have set of rules of the road that participants agree will guide their behavior in meetings. Know the outcome you want for the meeting, and make sure the agenda and time allotted will achieve it. Outcomes can include: informing people, brainstorming ideas, making a decision among alternatives, committing to action, reporting results, and creating a plan of action. Choose a timekeeper. The timekeeper will announce whenever an item is 80% complete in terms of time, and force the meeting leader to choose whether to continue with the item or table it and move on. Choose someone to facilitate the meeting. This person is responsible for making sure everyone is heard and included. Choose a scribe to take notes during the meeting, as needed. Participants should follow the rules of the road, and show respect to other participants. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 77 EXERCISE ONE Break out into groups of 4-5 and come back
with a list of rules for leading effective meetings. Rules should include: Start on time Show up on time Participate Show respect to others No side conversations Praise in public, criticize/give tough feedback in private Focus on the issue, not the person. Dont get personal. Be positive and focused on moving things forward Dont beat a dead horse. When an issue is resolved, move on. Make decisions with incomplete information Be present, with cell phones off and no other distractions present Listen to others and build on what they have to say Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 78 EXERCISE TWO Break out into groups of 4-5 and come back with a list of rules of the road to guide behavior during
meetings at their organization. HANDLING DISTRACTING BEHAVIORS IN THE OFFICE Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 79 Examples might include: Noises Talking too loudly Hovering around the cubicle socializing while people try to work Gossip Too much perfume/cologne Eating smelly foods at ones desk Tapping ones feet on the cubicle Playing video games loudly Wearing distracting clothing (too tight, too casual, showing undergarments) Provide a set of rules of the road to guide behavior at the office. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 80 EXERCISE ONE Break into groups of 4-5. Report back on the most distracting behaviors
you see in the office. Example: Talk to them in private. Focus on the behavior, as in, It has come to our attention that you sometimes eat in your cubicle, and the smell of the food is bothering people. Make a polite request. Could I request that you eat in our cafeteria instead? If a behavior is widespread, create a company policy to change the behavior. Thank them for their understanding. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 81 EXERCISE TWO Break into groups and come back with advice about how to approach people about any distracting behaviors. Come up with a strategy that respects the other person and is as kind as possible. Who should
deliver the feedback and request the change in behavior? Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 82 EXERCISE THREE Person A in the group will have some sort of offending behavior. Person B will be designated to give feedback about it. Person C will observe and give advice about what worked. Rotate 3 times so that everyone gets a chance to go. Break into groups of 3. Work Work collaboratively collaboratively to to build build on on each each others others ideas. ideas. Keep Keep moving moving forward. forward.
Realize Realize that that ifif the the other other person person gets gets emotional, emotional, itit is is because because they they care. care. They They are are committed committed to to something. something. Acknowledge Acknowledge their their feelings. feelings. Agree Agree with with the the valid valid points points they they have have made. made. Let
Let them them know know your your needs needs in in the the situation. situation. Dont Dont get get emotional. emotional. If If you you cant cant resolve resolve the the situation situation directly, directly, engage engage an an objective objective mediator/facilit mediator/facilit ator ator to to help. help. Know Know where where you
you can can compromise, compromise, and and where where you you cant. cant. Ask Ask for for their their perspective perspective about about the the best best way way to to achieve achieve your your mutual mutual goals. goals. Emphasize Emphasize your common your common values values and and goals. goals. Politely
Politely tell tell them them your your perspective perspective that that builds builds on on their their points points and and tries tries to to find find common common ground. ground. If If things things get get emotional or emotional or out out of of hand, hand, take take a a break. break. Do Do not not get
get personal. personal. Play Play the the Yes, Yes, and. and. Improvisationa Improvisationa ll game. game. Build Build from from there. there. Focus Focus on on getting getting a a result result that that solves solves both both of of your your business business issues. issues. Give Give the the person person reasons
reasons that that matter matter to to them. them. That That way, way, you you show show them them how how your your solution solution benefits benefits them. them. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 83 MANAGING CONFLICT Let Let the the other other person person explain explain their their point point of of view view first. first. Listen Listen and and
really really understand understand their their points. points. Often conflicts emerge at work. Here is guidance on how to train people to handle conflicts. SETTING LEGITIMATE AND APPROPRIATE BOUNDARIES Crossing Boundaries Examples of ways that people sometimes cross boundaries might include: Asking people to stay late Verbal abuse Not keeping their word Doing work late or at poor quality Asking people for deliverables at the last minute Assuming that their emergency is everybodys emergency Barging into ones office even if the other person is busy; interrupting. Set Boundaries
It is crucial learn how to set boundaries at work. Tell them what you appreciate. Tell them what you dont appreciate.. Tell them what you want. Solve their problem. If the person continues to insist, be firm. Simply solve their problem while meeting your needs. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 84 Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 85 EXERCISE ONE Pick one boundary issue Come up with an approach to handle it Report back to the group. Break into groups of 3. GIVING AND RECEIVING FEEDBACK Giving feedback Receiving feedback
Tell them what you like about their handling of the issue. Tell them what you dont like. Be explicit about what you want them to do going forward. Tell them why this matters to them. Ask if they agree or have questions. It is hard to be on the receiving end of tough feedback. When you are: Thank them for the feedback. Direct the conversation. Ask for clarification about points you didnt understand. Dont get defensive. Dont argue. Feedback is a gift that can help you get better, and you and you alone decide whether to take it or not. But be polite and respectful when receiving it. If you agree with the feedback, make amends. Tell the other person you are sorry, and will do better going forward. Ask them for advice about what you can do immediately so they see immediate change. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 86 Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 87 EXERCISE ONE Have each group choose an issue
where they might need to give or receive tough feedback, and practice. One person gives feedback, one receives it, and one observes and offers advice. Rotate until everyone has a chance to practice. Break people into groups of 3. CUSTOMER SERVICE AT THE FRONT LINES Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 88 Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 89 EXERCISE ONE List the most common breakdowns in front line customer service at the company. These should be issues dealing with direct, one-on-one communication with the customer or buyer, not systemwide problems. Come back with recommendations to address those issues. Break into groups. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 90 EXERCISE TWO
List the most common breakdowns in front line customer service at the company, that ARE system-wide problems (e.g., time to answer the phone is too long, lack of information about the customer, lack of decision making authority). Come back with recommendations to address those issues. How might you escalate these issues so that the company handles them. Break into groups. CUSTOMER SERVICE AT THE FRONT LINES Stay calm and positive. Be positive and upbeat and focus on solving the Ignore personal problem. comments made against you. Simply tell the person that you are doing your best. Tell him that if he continues, you will have to which putKnow him on
hold. issues allow you to use your own discretion and solve yourself. Be authentic and natural. Dont try to be too slick. Make sure that your company has trained you to handle the most common questions a customer has. Dont make promises you cant keep. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | Never get angry or emotional. Never make personal comments. Know which issues need to be escalated to a If you dont know manager. the answer, put the customer in touch with someone who does, or take down the customers number and call back promptly with PAGE 91 the answer.
MAKING SENSE OUT OF FASHION Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 92 CLOTHES SHOULD FIT Do not look at size tags, they lie. Purchase the piece that fits best and ignore the size number! A good fitting garment hangs on the body the way that the designer envisioned it. Be sure to use the three-way mirror in the dressing room to check the view from the back. You should look just as great coming as going. If you dont trust your own judgment when trying on clothes, bring someone whose opinion you value. A tailor or seamstress can alter clothing so that it fits you perfectly. Beautiful, quality fabrics drape nicely on the body, feel pleasant on the skin, wash well, hold up to wear and tear, and maintain their shape. The higher the quality of thread, the better the weave, the nicer and more expensive the fabric. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 93 CARE LABELS, GOOD CONSTRUCTION, AND OTHER CLOTHING CHARACTERISTICS Before purchasing, read the content label inside the garment. The label will tell you from what fabric the item is cut. The label also gives care instructions. Be realistic about the care you are willing to give to your clothes. Better quality clothing often allows extra material in the seams for alterations. Detailing adds to the value of a garment.
Look at the finishing. Patterns can be mixed when creating an outfit, but be sure to stay within the same color palette. Watch the scale, and dont try to er, less b m mix more thanRtwo patterns. e b m e is more. Fabrics come in different weights so that we can dress appropriately for the climate. Mixing textures can add interest to an outfit with subtlety and taste. Use them wisely. It is useful to understand how colors work together. The goal when choosing colors is to find clothes that when worn near your face make you look energized, alert and alive. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 94 MATCHING COLORS TO SKIN TONE 1 Colors have a temperature; warm or cool. Cool colors are mixed with more blue and warm colors are mixed with more red.
2 Warmer skin tones usually look better against warmer, richer colors and paler skin tones usually look better against cooler colors. 3 4 5 There are way too many skin tones for this to be a precise science so ultimately you must try on a color to decide whether or not you look dazzling or pallid. Your clothes should make you shine, not make you disappear. Go with your gut. If you feel iffy about the color, take it off and try on a color that you feel great about. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 95 SIMPLE PROCESS FLOW CHART OF SUGGESTED COLOR CHOICES ol d ol C nli o o L P u o er ri m d u sl g s
or h prI t le h s s, a G v er ? a y s, Ic y Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 96 WILL HOT PINK BUNGLE MY JOB INTERVIEW? The colors you choose to wear can have an impact on your image. People respond intensely to color, and certain colors evoke particular feelings, mostly positive. Positive or not, it is important to select appropriately. Be aware of the culture of your workplace. The color of your clothes cant take the place of a good fitness routine, but color, in addition to flattering cuts, can be
used to mask figure flaws and enhance your best features. A well-dressed and wellgroomed professional needs to build a complete wardrobe. It is not inexpensive to build a wardrobe. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 97 THE WARDROBE GROCERY LIST Black, Beige, Gray Black Suit Black Tailored Shirt Black 'After 5' Dress Black, Beige, Gray Neutral, Black, White Cardigan Sweater Black, Brown, Navy Pump Black Flat 6 Flattering colors Trench Coat
Men's Casual Shoe Men's Dress Shoe Flattering Jeans Black Bag Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 98 HOW TO SUCCEED IN THE FITTING ROOM Fit your hardest body part first. Bring three sizes into the fitting room, and purchase the item that fits best. Try clothes on with shoes like those you will be wearing with the item. Ask the salesperson for help if you need it. Look in the threeway mirror and move around in the garment to be sure that the fit is correct. Trust your instincts.
A bargain is not reason enough to make a purchase. Examine the item for defects. Etiquette rules apply in the fitting room, too. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 99 OFFLINE VS. ONLINE SHOPPING Offline Online It is easiest to find the classic pieces on the wardrobe grocery list in good department stores, which saves time. Boutiques are fun to shop in for special pieces that add individuality to your wardrobe. Off-price department stores offer great bargains and often carry past season merchandise from high end designers. If you are willing to visit often and browse the racks, you can find excellent bargains. Shopping online can save time and allows you to compare
prices and make purchases 24/7. Online shopping also gives access to stores that may not be in your area. When online shopping, keep all packaging in case your purchase doesnt fit. Visit the websites of famous designers to stay fashion forward; they provide slide shows of their fashion current lines. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 100 BODY TYPE Body type plays a key role in clothing choices. The goal is to use clothing to create a balanced and proportioned silhouette. Accentuate the positives and draw attention away from the negatives. for a well Balance proportion the figure ed look. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 101
DRESS FOR YOU, APPLE: LARGE BUST, SHOULDERS, TUMMY Solid, dark colors work well on top to slim the torso; Accentuate patterns the waist width withadd shirts on the and jackets that are fitted at the waist, then pair these tops with A-Wear boot line and cut, slightly flared flared midskirts. rise jeans, and wide leg slacks. Wear short skirts paired with longer tunicshaped tops. Choose Vneck tops. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 102 DRESS FOR YOU, HOURGLASS: CURVY FIGURE, LARGE BUST AND HIPS, DEFINED WAIST Wear jackets that are fitted at
the waist worn with straight leg slacks. Mid-calf slit skirts with v-neck wrap blouses flatter. Think Marilyn Monroe and wear halterstyle dresses. Jeans that flare paired with scoop neck tees look sexy and Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | feminine. PAGE 103 DRESS FOR YOU, RECTANGLE: FEWER CURVES, EVEN WEIGHT DISTRIBUTION, ATHLETIC Dresses that are fitted at the waist and Boot cut flare add Create a and flared A longdimension. more leg pants waisted
feminine and jeans Belted woman figure. can add shape. jackets shorten her create a torso and waist and lengthen Shortlook sharp her legs by Short- waisted withFuller pencilskirts raising waistedwomen can the and nipped skirts. waist of her woman elongate waists addDetailing should look slacks and the torso by curves and can be for shirts skirts. wearing low femininity.helpful to that can be rise slacks the left and tunics. rectangular untucked to frame. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with hide permission. | PAGE 104 help
DRESS FOR YOU, PEAR: NARROW SHOULDERS, WIDE HIPS, THIGHS, BOTTOM Interesting details on the top like scarves draw Keep attention darker up. Balance the colors on the bottom top and and brighter bottom. colors on theJackets top. Wear should end Choose patternedscoop neck below the Patterned tops and and boat waist to tops draw pair with neck tops. create a attention to dark leaner line.the top and straight-leg take slacks and attention skirts that away from Adapted from Etiquette Moms with hit permission. just | PAGE 105
the bottom. FINDING CLOTHES THAT FLATTER IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE Be sure to try on a lot of clothes to get a feeling for what looks good on you and what doesnt work, as well. Make an honest assessment of your positive and negative attributes and work with those positives. Think about proportion when searching for flattering outfits. Be sure to fit your most difficult body area first and then have the piece altered. Be careful when purchasing trendy clothing. For women, choosing a well-fitting pair of jeans is not difficult. Be sure the rise the area from crotch to waist fits properly. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 106 DRESSING MEN The goal is to create a proportioned silhouette that flatters and places emphasis on positive features and deemphasizes figure flaws. Use color, texture and cut to balance the figure. Men can add flourish and individuality to their look with smart shoes and belts, leather jackets, hats, ties, pocket squares and even socks; just keep choices simple and tasteful. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 107 THINK ABOUT THE IMAGE YOU ARE TRYING TO PROJECT WHEN CHOOSING YOUR WARDROBE Like it or not, the clothes that we put on each day reveal something about us. Be in control of the person that people see when they
look at you. Dont let others define you; define yourself by choosing clothes that project your chosen image. Be sure to keep clothes laundered and pressed. You must be well groomed too. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 108 A GREAT HAIRCUT MAKES THE LOOK Everyone should have a good hair stylist. A good stylist should listen to what you want and be able to paraphrase your requests. The stylist should then offer suggestions, based on his or her expertise, about what can be done to make you look your best. A good stylist takes the time to teach the client how to maintain hair at home. A good stylist performs quality cuts and processes. A good salon is clean, gives excellent service, employs well educated and professional stylists, uses high quality products, sells the products that clients need, charges competitive rates that dont leave you gaping at the bill, and is able to fit you in when you need a cut. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 109 WHAT CUT SHOULD I CHOOSE? Face shape has everything to do with choosing a great hair cut. Determine your face shape by measuring. Measure 2. Measure 3. Measure 4. Measure 1.
across forehead. across cheekbones. across jawbone. from forehead to chin. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 110 WHAT SHAPE FACE DO YOU HAVE? You have an oval face if the length of your face is 1 times the width. You have a Rou round face if the nd length is equal to Fac the width at the e cheekbones. You have a Squ square face if are the forehead Fac measurement is e equal to your jaw measurement. Lon You have a long g face if the length Fac is more than 1 e times the width.
You have a heart Hea shaped face if rt your forehead Sha and cheekbones pe are the widest Fac part of your face Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 111 e and graduate to Ova l Fac e Vol um um e e at the the cro cro wn to to len len gth en en No No Round vol um
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n len gth gth Full Full hai rr at at jaw jaw line Chin Chin len len Face COLOR, HIGHLIGHTS AND LOWLIGHTS If you do color your hair, your hair will need to be touched up every 4-8 weeks. A good stylist will be able to hold color near your face to help you choose the best color for your skin tone. A well-done color process can make your hair look vibrant and brighten your entire face. Highlights and lowlights are spot color processes that add sparkle,
depth and volume to hair. Overall, the trick with color is to make it look like it is natural and organic, not painted on. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 113 PERMANENTS AND RELAXERS Permanents can: Add incredible volume to limp and lifeless hair Be fine-tuned to give just the right wave or curl. Never perm at home! Relaxing is another chemical process that can provide those with curly hair a chance to have long, straight hair. Be sure to choose a stylist with a lot of experience before opting to perm or relax your hair. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 114 CONDITIONING AND GLAZING Hair salons offer services to give hair more moisture and shine and bring it back to peak health. During a consultation with a stylist, discuss
the health of your hair in addition to the cut you are interested in. Restoring the moisture of your hair can improve your look. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 115 HAIR EXTENSIONS Extensions add length and volume to hair. Quality, well-done hair extensions make hair look youthful and healthy. Go to a licensed stylist who specializes in adding extensions. They will: Sit with you and match sample colors to your hair. Measure your hair length to determine the extension length that best suits your face shape. Determine the texture of your hair and match your texture to the extensions to achieve the most natural look. Think about what you want your hair to say about you. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 116 MAKEUP Worldwide, the general consensus is that makeup helps women to look their best. Visit a makeup professional at a fine department store to determine your best colors and most suitable products. Use good tools to apply makeup. Using
the right tools creates the most polished outcome. Makeup brushes do tend to cost a lot of money and are therefore an investment. Handle them according to the manufacturers instructions. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 117 EASY STEPS TO FLAWLESS MAKEUP APPLICATION Apply a Start with clean skin. Apply foundatio n. Groom eyebrow s. moisturiz er with sun protectio n. Apply Apply pressed Apply eyeliner. Apply Apply mascara. Apply blush. Apply lipstick and lip
liner. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 118 SAFETY FIRST Cosmetics do expire. Cosmetics that are made without water, like powders, can last a couple of years. Pencils can last a few years as long as they remain sharpened. Your foundation can be used for one year. Products that contain fatty acids, like creams and moisturizers, can go bad quickly so throw them away after six months. Mascara gets contaminated quickly so toss after three months. If you wet pencils with your mouth they can get germy, so do keep them sharp to remove the contaminated end. Try to keep hands away from the opening by applying the foundation with a sponge. Mascara comes close to the eyes so it is important that you not use a contaminated product, or you could suffer a severe eye infection. The mascara tube breeds bacteria. Dont share your makeup. Cosmetics last longest if stored in a cool, dry place so the bathroom is not the best place for storage if you wish to get the longest shelf life. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 119
Foundation should be a flawless match that is done at the makeup counter by the professional selling it. Other colors, like eye shadows, blushes and lipsticks, are icing on the cake. To choose those colors use the lessons learned during the clothing section. Darker skin tones can wear brighter, more intense colors, like corals, hot reds, oranges and rich yellows. Olive tones can wear muted versions of the bright colors, like mellow yellows, less intense reds and peaches, browns, and tans. Pale skin looks lovely with bluer shades of red and purples used sparingly. When choosing lipstick, the color of your teeth should be taken into consideration. If your teeth are bluer, you can choose lipsticks with more orange. If the natural pigment of your teeth is more Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 120 yellow, stick to lipsticks with a bluer undertone. COLORS, COLORS EVERYWHERE After determining your skin tone, you can then choose makeup colors. Dont use a heavy hand when applying makeup. Makeup should look natural.
If you love a more intense eye, go pale on lips and cheeks. If you love a bright red lip just use a touch of neutral on the eyes with a little mascara. FALSE EYELASHES ARE ALL THE RAGE Use a light hand when applying eye shadow and eye pencil. Trim the lashes to avoid excessive length, especially before applying to avoid poking yourself in the eye. Use an eyelash curler to curl both your eyelashes and the false eyelashes together. Apply one thin coat of mascara to blend your natural lashes with the false lashes. Eyelash extensions are an option for those who would like a semi-permanent solution, but they must be applied by a professional cosmetologist trained in the procedure. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 121 LOOKING YOUR BEST t Mos otsatnt t M r
o tan rl Imppoa ImGo al Go Create your own look and do not let others do the defining for you. If you want to be seen as a successful, capable person, you must project that image. Clean out your closet and rid yourself of anything that doesnt create the image of the person you believe that you are. Purchase only items that project the image of the wonderful person that you know yourself to be. Adapted from Etiquette Moms with permission. | PAGE 122